The Manliest Man Ever
by x se
Summary: Hitsugaya is trying to wear his sihakusyou on his first date, and not even take a proper shower beforehand too! Will Hinamori and Matsumoto be able to make him look good in time? One ShotHitsuchiru ish


_The Maliest Man Ever_

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or make profit off of this.  
Warnings: Minor sex talk/implications.

* * *

Teenage (looking) Hitsugaya Toushirou, shinigami prodigy and 10th Captain of the Gotei 13, stared at the piece of paper in his hands. It had just come from the 11th Division, the hand writing swirly and hard to read in some places. He was almost finished reading it, when something soft pushed against his head and the piece of paper was plucked from his hands.

Hitsugaya spun around to come face-almost-to-chest with his Vice Captain, Matsumoto Rangiku, who was reading whatever was written on the piece of paper. Scowling, Hitsugaya reached up and attempted to snatch the piece of paper out of Matsumoto's hands. However, the busty woman simply moved back, and Hitsugaya nearly fell out of his chair.

"Give me that!" exclaimed the prodigy angrily. "That's not yours to rea-!"

"What are you gonna wear, taichou?" asked Matsumoto suddenly. "First dates are all about first impressions you know."

"W-Who said it was a date?" spluttered Hitsugaya, his face beginning to redden. "It's just a formal dinner between a captain and a vice captain!"

"Who happen to be almost the same age, who happen to… Oh, so many things, but I won't waste time pointing out that wet dream you had last week on the couch and get to the point." Ignoring the horrified and embarrassed Hitsugaya, Matsumoto tapped her chin. "What _should_ you wear? Kusajishi-fukutaichou _does_ have interesting tastes after all…"

Hitsugaya stared at his Vice Captain for a moment, before shaking his head and muttering something only a teenager would say, before putting on his usual uncaring expression (totally ruined by the remaining blush) and sighing.

"Matsumoto, I'm going to be wearing my sihakusyou. She'll probably be wearing hers no doubt." said Hitsugaya, in such a tone you'd think he was taking about some paperwork he was doing that wasn't due for another month, or something like that.

But then… The door opened, and a somewhat short woman with a somewhat round looking stomach ran into the room.

"Hey, Hitsugaya-kun, guess what!" exclaimed Hinamori-Abarai Momo, Captain of the 5th Division, childhood friend of Hitsugaya, and new wife of one Abarai Renji. "Renji-kun told me he saw Ayasgawa-san helping Kusajishi-fukutaichou picking out a kimono for your date tonight!"

Hitsugaya shrugged uncaringly, while the newly born perverted side of him wondered how short the kimono would be, but Hitsugaya inwardly kicked that newly born perverted side where the sun doesn't shine, and then looked at the two women in his office.

"I'm still going to wear my sihakusyou. And that's the end of it." Hitsugaya then crossed his arms and tried the old "I'm a child prodigy, look at me pout and obey my almighty cuteness even if I'll tell you I'm not cute, which makes me even more cute" bit. Unfortunately, he was a teenager now, and hardly "cute."

"No, taichou, you aren't." replied Matsumoto, rubbing her temples. "We'll just have to pick something ou-."

"Hitsugaya-kun, you're meeting her in an hour and a half, right?" interrupted Hinamori. Hitsugaya looked at her.

"Yeah, so?" said the white haired shinigami dully. He raised an eyebrow when the woman walked over to him, and absentmindedly noticed she really _did_ look kinda pregnant, and almost fell out of his chair when she sniffed him.

"Your hair isn't washed or combed, you look sweaty, and you smell!" exclaimed Hinamori. "You can't go meet her like this, we should deal with what you're going to wear later!"

"Okay, I'll go take a shower then…" replied Hitsugaya, not really understanding the problem. Then again, it was Hinamori, who often confused Hintsugaya with talks of "chains" and "bunny suits," and she was pregnant, so that was supposed to make her even more confusing, or was it emotional? Either way, Hitsugaya didn't get her, not at all.

"You don't understand Hitsugaya-kun! You have to be _thorough_ in the shower, and if I remember correctly, you still use watermelon shampoo." replied Hinamori, smirking when Hitsugaya started blushing.

"So what? I like the smell!" exclaimed Hitsugaya, crossing his arms.

"You know, you could use a shave too…" remarked Matsumoto. Hitsugaya looked flabbergasted.

"I've never needed one before, and…" Hitsugaya rubbed his face and decided _maybe_ if he conceded on this, they'd forget about his sihakusyou. Plus, he had to begrudgingly admit, he _did_ need a shave…

"Alright then, to Hitsugaya-kun's bathroom!" proclaimed Hinamori. Hitsugaya was about to protest, when Matsumoto picked him up and carried him off, following Hinamori.

_**---**_

Hitsugaya stared at them, they smiled right back. He stared harder, as if the hardness of his stare would make them run away. Hey, it's worked before. Sometimes.

"You can go now. I'm gonna take a shower." Hitsugaya said bluntly. The two women did not budge, but Hinamori giggled.

"We're going to be helping you with that… Didn't we mention?" murmured Matsumoto. "I know for a fact you've never used body wash before, or condition."

Hitsugaya just blinked, a blush starting to form. His response was one out of sheer confusion and overall, a broken brain.

"Huh?" The concept of two pretty women bathing with him… Suddenly both of them looked like Yachiru and Hitsugaya's face began getting redder and a dribble of blood began to creep out of his nose. Then the girls turned back into Matsumoto and Hinamori, clothed mind you, who were laughing hysterically at him. Hitsugaya wiped the blood from his nose and scowled at them. "What?"

"You'll be wearing a towel, you little pervert." laughed Matsumoto. Hitsugaya, still blushing, scowled and looked away.

"I knew that." muttered the prodigy.

After a few minutes and some yells later, Hitsugaya was sitting in his bathtub/shower, a towel covering his lower area. Behind him, were Matsumoto and Hinamori, with all sorts of bottles of strange scented liquid-ish things they had taken from Matsumoto's place, which was on the way to Hitsugaya's. The shower was on, Hitsugaya was wet, and the two women were suddenly pouring those evil liquids into his hair, onto his body, and lathering him up.

If he wasn't so embarrassed, Hitsugaya might have continued that little double-Yachiru fantasy from earlier. Instead, he was trying to ignore the sickeningly sweet smells now covering his body, as well as the strange clean feeling he was beginning to feel, a feeling he had never known completely before. Hitsugaya supposed Kyouraku-taichou was right about "the touch of a woman," though Hitsugaya was taking that little quote in a different context.

When the suds and everything soon had left Hitsugaya and the two women had stood up, Hitsugaya sighed in relief. Still about a good fifty or so minutes left, so that left a good ten minutes to enjoy his hot water before it ran out.

"Okay, I'll finish up this shower and then I'll 'shave'…" murmured Hitsugaya. Matsumoto and Hinamori nodded, and Hitsugaya stood up. And left his towel on the floor of the shower/bathtub. The two women started laughing.

"Wow Hitsugaya-kun, you really aren't a kid anymore!" exclaimed Hinamori, turning around to give her friend some space.

"G-Get out! Get out now!" yelled Hitsugaya, assuming the fetal position and glaring at the two women as they left, their laughter slowly becoming hysterical. Rubbing his temples and blushing, Hitsugaya decided, if only for the sake of not too hot, to take a cold shower. He _really_ needed to cool down after all this…

After finishing his shower and changing into a robe; boxers and a shirt underneath, he picked up his sihakusyou. For Hitsugaya's part, it was a _clean_ sihakusyou, opting to not put on his captain's cloak in the hopes of making the women forget about the clothing situation. Maybe they would think it was something else. With this thought in his mind, Hitsugaya made his way out of his bathroom and to his bedroom.

"Okay. I'm done. Now I have to shave and I'm good to go, right?" asked Hitsugaya. Matsumoto and Hinamori stood from his bed and began looking him over, nodding and making "hm…" sounds as they did so. Then, without warning, they pushed him into the bathroom once more, standing him in front of a mirror, and then picked up his razor.

"This will do, this will do…" Nodding, Matsumoto handed Hitsugaya the razor. "Okay. Shave."

Hitsugaya stared at her.

"How?"

_**---**_

With tiny bloodstained pieces of tissue covering small spots on his now shaved face, a (nearing furious) Hitsugaya stomped out of his bathroom, a laughing Matumoto and an apologetic Hinamori following him.

"Okay okay OKAY!" yelled Hitsugaya. He glared at the two women. "Can I go now?"

"No, now we need to get you some new clothes!" exclaimed Matsumoto. "It's the most important part!"

Hitsugaya scowled.

"No. I said I'm wearing my sihakusyou and that is final." Hitsugaya once more tried to cute angry bit, but it didn't work. Instead, Matsumoto and Hinamori abandoned him and went searching through his closet. They began to get annoyed, as far as Hitsugaya could tell, because they began throwing all of his sihakusyou out of it in search for something… That wasn't a sihakusyou.

Hitsugaya smirked. There was absolutely no other clothes, besides a white cloak he had worn in the hospital and some costumes he used to wear to festivals before he outgrew them, in that closet. He chose the time he thought he had to waste while his two tormentors searched in vain to think up some things to talk about during the da- Meeting. Not a date.

'Hm… There's the… Weather? No, that's stupid… And she'd know more about it than me, I've had so much paperwork recently I haven't been outside…' Hitsugaya sighed and ran a hand through his hair, before blinked. It felt… Different. Maybe washing it with all that stuff wasn't _all_ bad… But it still didn't smell like watermelon.

Soon, it almost was time for Hitsugaya to actually be dressed and leaving. He thought he was in the clear. But then, something truly horrifying happened. Hitsugaya heard a rip, a long rip, and smaller rips following. Then squeals.

"This is perfect!" came Hinamori's excited voice. Worried that someone had snuck something into his closet, or _worse_, Matsumoto had snuck into his house again, Hitsugaya walked over and saw what made the ripping noises. Pink wrapping paper. A feeling of dread washed over Hitsugaya. It was the gift… The one Kyouraku had gave him that he stuffed in his closet… Knowing the man, it could only be something dreadful…

"What is it?" asked Hitsugaya tentatively. The two women turned to him, cat-like grins on their faces, before moving out of the way. Seeing what it was, Hitsugaya clutched the sihakusyou he had planned on changing into close to his chest. "No."

"Sorry taichou…" Matsumoto reached for the sihakusyou in Hitsugaya's hands, as Hinamori began gathering up all of the ones that had been tossed on the ground. Hitsugaya tugged back on the sihakusyou. Matsumoto smiled sweetly and tugged hardly.

Hitsugaya yawned, some arrogance sneaking in, and pulled the sihakusyou. He chuckled when Matsumoto had to get up to pull back. He was winning, and it looked like all was well, finally... Then he began to smell fire. Still holding onto the sihakusyou, Hitsugaya turned and saw Hinamori about to push all his clothes into his fireplace.

"Sorry Hitsugaya-kun, but I'll do it if I have to." warned Hinamori. Matsumoto nodded and Hitsugaya turned to her.

"She means it too. Word of advice taichou, never _ever_ mess with pregnant women." Hitsugaya looked back at the fire and his precious sihakusyou and sighed.

"Fine…" muttered the captain, dropping the clothes and flopping on the floor. Hinamori ran over to him and smiled.

"Don't worry Hitsugaya-kun, you'll look like the manliest man ever! Kusajishi-san will absolutely _love_ you!" exclaimed Hinamori cheerily.

"I hope so…" muttered Hitsugaya pitifully.

_**---**_

Madarame Ikkaku, 3rd Seat of Division 11, shook his head as he led Yachiru to the door. The captain, Zaraki Kenpachi, was guarding the door. Yachiru, in her blood red kimono that _really_ could be a few inches longer, put her hands on her hips.

"Ken-chan! Yuki-chan will be here soon!" exclaimed Yachiru. Kenpachi's eye twitched and Ikkaku inwardly snorted. Really, calling the 10th Division's captain 'Yuki-chan…' It was all he could do to not start rolling on the ground laughing.

"I have to inspect him." replied the 11th's captain crossly, crossing his arms and scowling.

"But Yuki-chan is really nice! He even lets me call him Yuki-chan, even though he gets mad when anyone else calls him that!" replied Yachiru, crossing her arms and scowling just like Kenpachi, though her scowl was cute whereas that captain's was downright scary.

"Yeah, so…?" replied Kenpachi, for the first time not letting Yachiru do whatever she wanted. There was _no way_ he was letting her go with the dangerous Hitsugaya Toushirou. That kid was too… 'He's too old for her! She needs a wimp that couldn't hurt her and does whatever she'd tell 'im to do! Yeah… That Hanatarou guy maybe…?'

There were some knocks on the door and Kenpachi grinned.

"Now now Yachiru, I'll be right back…" chuckled, Kenpachi opened the door and walked outside, closing it as he did so. Yachiru looked at Ikkaku, who looked right back at her.

"Don't worry about it kid…" said Ikkaku, smiling and putting a hand on Yachiru's shoulder. "Taichou wouldn't do anything _too_ bad. Besides, isn't it better if he can survive taichou?"

"Of course! Thanks baldy!" exclaimed Yachiru, giving Ikkaku a quick hug and turning to the door excitedly. "I guess that means they might be out there for a while though, right?"

"Doubt it…" replied Ikkaku. "Hitsugaya-taichou's a smart guy. Not as strong as Zaraki-taichou, but he's smart all the same."

"Yeah…" Yachiru smiled dreamily. Ikkaku chuckled. "Well, they should be done by now…"

As Ikkaku opened the door, a loud choking noise was heard. But as the door opened, the sound cleared and it was obvious hysterical laughter on his captain's part. And when the door opened, Yachiru got hearts in her eyes and Ikkaku joined his captain, rolling around laughing hysterically.

There, in a bright pink robe, with teeny pieces of bloody covered tissues on his face, stood Hitsugaya Toushirou. His expression was unreadable and his face was bright red. And to top it all off, he smelled like all sorts of pretty flowers.

Needless to say, Kenpachi wasn't worried about Yachiru after seeing _that_.

_End_


End file.
